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not a checklist
Apr. 2nd, 2021 07:39 amI was just realizing that two of my friends here on Dreamwidth are building little miniature scenes. "Huh," I thought to myself. "That's an interesting coincidence." [the joke will be on me as it turns out that ALL my friends on Dreamwidth are building little miniature scenes]
Then I thought, "Wow, come to think of it, they also both can tell horrifying and yet entertaining stories of their childhood--that's something else they have in common. And they both enjoy gardening. And they're both writers. Well, everybody on Dreamwidth is a writer, so maybe that one doesn't count. Hmmmm, let's see ... they also both have some Jewish heritage, both love California, though only one lives there currently ...."
There are differences between them too, of course. One's about, I don't know, twenty years older than the other? One's been married a couple of times and has kids; the other hasn't and doesn't. They have diverging levels of social-justice orientation and cynicism.
So would these two people enjoy each other? Putting aside the fact that enjoying someone in person and online are two different things (with overlap, but not 100 percent overlap), lists of characteristics only represent a possibility for mutual interest and enjoyment--that's it. They're like tinder for a fire; they're not the spark. And the cool, wonderful, unpindownable thing about the spark is that when it's present, it can take hold in the most unexpected, damp, noncombustible pile of stuff.
It's why you can write in your profile "I like unicorns," but you meet that other person who also likes unicorns, and you see just how incorrectly, unappealingly, and in fact downright maddeningly someone can like unicorns. "I like unicorns--but not like that," you think. Or, someone says, "I love watching high school basketball games," and (if you're me) you think, "Uhhhh, not me, not so much"--you say that (again, if you're me) without even ever having watched one, based just on your miserable years of gym class as a child and your lack of interest in sports, generally. But then, for whatever reason, you decide to give it a try, and this other person's enthusiasm gets you to see what's fun about them, and you end up enjoying yourself, and before you know it, you *do* love watching high school basketball games (.... not me; but it *could* be me--I'm just waiting for that invitation from the right person and for the pandemic to be over)
It's also why I don't like checklists of characteristics or elements in books. Maybe having that element is necessary for you (though speaking personally, I don't think I have those, though I do have elements I want to avoid), but they won't be sufficient.
Then I thought, "Wow, come to think of it, they also both can tell horrifying and yet entertaining stories of their childhood--that's something else they have in common. And they both enjoy gardening. And they're both writers. Well, everybody on Dreamwidth is a writer, so maybe that one doesn't count. Hmmmm, let's see ... they also both have some Jewish heritage, both love California, though only one lives there currently ...."
There are differences between them too, of course. One's about, I don't know, twenty years older than the other? One's been married a couple of times and has kids; the other hasn't and doesn't. They have diverging levels of social-justice orientation and cynicism.
So would these two people enjoy each other? Putting aside the fact that enjoying someone in person and online are two different things (with overlap, but not 100 percent overlap), lists of characteristics only represent a possibility for mutual interest and enjoyment--that's it. They're like tinder for a fire; they're not the spark. And the cool, wonderful, unpindownable thing about the spark is that when it's present, it can take hold in the most unexpected, damp, noncombustible pile of stuff.
It's why you can write in your profile "I like unicorns," but you meet that other person who also likes unicorns, and you see just how incorrectly, unappealingly, and in fact downright maddeningly someone can like unicorns. "I like unicorns--but not like that," you think. Or, someone says, "I love watching high school basketball games," and (if you're me) you think, "Uhhhh, not me, not so much"--you say that (again, if you're me) without even ever having watched one, based just on your miserable years of gym class as a child and your lack of interest in sports, generally. But then, for whatever reason, you decide to give it a try, and this other person's enthusiasm gets you to see what's fun about them, and you end up enjoying yourself, and before you know it, you *do* love watching high school basketball games (.... not me; but it *could* be me--I'm just waiting for that invitation from the right person and for the pandemic to be over)
It's also why I don't like checklists of characteristics or elements in books. Maybe having that element is necessary for you (though speaking personally, I don't think I have those, though I do have elements I want to avoid), but they won't be sufficient.
